A LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF

Yo, dude. It’s me. Well, it’s you. But in the future. Crazy.  This might be a ridiculous and stupid thing to do but part of me feels like I have to do this. So bare with me. I’m trying here.

Where do I even start? My guess is that you’re probably watching Doctor Who on repeat or writing on Nan’s floor with your new book and pen while watching Doctor Who. Just wait till you see Peter Capaldi, you’ll love him. He’s so good. Remember the shit Pompeii episode and that man was in it? Yeah, well, surprise bitch, he’s the new Doctor. You’re welcome. Sorry, I’m rambling.

I just want to let you know and make sure you know that there’s no need to worry. Just don’t worry. Everything might seem a little confusing and weird now but trust me, everything gets better. You might have a few days where that asshole anxiety comes over you but you can push through that. You can. You have. We don’t like that arsehole do we? Anxiety. Well, like I said, you’ve beat him. Well, more than before. #proud.

I know you think you’re the only one in the world and you feel lost, like you’re in space or some shit, floating, lost, waiting to be found but here’s the thing: you’ve got to be lost before you can be found. That sounds good, right? But I mean it, you think everyone can’t see the same world as you and you think that’s a bad thing. Well, dude, wise up, it’s not. Everyone sees the world differently from each other, it be kinda boring if everyone did think the same wouldn’t it? You’re scared. You’re terrified about the future. You’re worried you’re gonna mess up and fail and disappoint everyone. Dude, you’ve had the grades and just about to start your second year at university! YOU DID A WHOLE YEAR AND PASSED!

You are a strong little one, you. Well, we are aren’t we? We never give up. We keep going and you need to remember that. Trust me, everything is absolutely good in life right now. You’re happy, you’re secure, you’re grounded and guess what? You’re in love. You’re in love with someone who makes you more than happy. Someone who found you when you felt lost in the world, he found you and he loves you, keeps you safe and thinks the world of you and it feels so good. You’ve battled with some shit on your own but now you don’t need too, you’ve got someone. Him. Ryan. He’s a lovely guy, he’s what they call, a hoot. Don’t worry about him being a guy or you falling in love with a guy, it’s fine. It’s right. It’s absolutely perfect. The image you had of your wife, your child and the big house in the city was a fantasy but this is real life. This is real. This is true love. It is. You’re not lost anymore, or if you are, you’re lost together.

You’re going in the right direction. You’re making progress into what you want to be and remember to always be the best version of yourself. That’s all that you can do: be the best you. I can’t wait for you to see how far you’ve changed, because you have. You’re growing into someone so much stronger, so much happier, someone so much confident. You’re not teased anymore, you’re not laughed at for being shit at PE, you’re just you and lot’s of people love you. Remember that.

This is really weird writing to you, myself, but it’s sort of helpful in a way to me. I’m writing shit that I’ve wanted to say for a really long time and never knew how. Then it hit me: I need to tell myself. The younger me. The younger little dude who’s watching Doctor Who with David Tennant while writing stories about astronauts and dinosaurs. It’s helped. So, thank you, I guess.

Just don’t worry dude. You’re doing good, just bare with it and everything will fall in place. I promise. I know you’re a bit scared about the future and everything, but guess what? It’s good to be scared. Keep those nerves. Hold those nerves. Never let go off them because they are what makes you. Keep smiling and laughing because you’ve got a whole life to explore when you grow up. And Peter Capaldi as the Doctor. Spoiler: he’s really fucking good.

You’re not lost. You’re just trying to find out who you are and guess what? There’s no problem in that. Don’t worry though dude, you’re still TOTALLY obsessed with dinosaurs and astronauts. Of course you are. Again, thank you.

You’re happy. I’m happy. You’re safe. I’m safe. You’re confident. I’m confident.

See ya soon!

 

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