Goodbye, Hello

Before we get deep and philosophical, hello. I haven’t wrote on here in a good few months, sorry about that, again. Most starts of the year, my resolutions consist of writing more blog posts. To be fair, 2016 has been the best year in terms of blogging. I’ve wrote more, more people have been reading them and I’m creating content that I enjoy and want to share. And yes, one of my resolutions for 2017 is to blog more but I’m not going to put huge amount of pressure on myself. If I have something to say, I’ll say it. I’ll create it, I’ll write it, I’ll shout it from the bloody rooftops! But no pressure. With blogging, personally, it’s hard to think of stuff because when more and more people connect and read your posts, that creates pressure, good pressure, really good pressure, but still, it’s hard because then you’ve got an audience. You’ve got people reading your stuff and you can’t let them down. You have to keep posting and posting. The posts thus far on this blog aren’t the result of that pressure though. I just went through a big phase of blogging and inspiration and the need to create and write; especially when I went to London. I want to be back in that place of creativity and inspiration. I want to write about more, explore more, do more. I want to live and capture every moment. I want to do more fashion posts, travel posts, personal posts, anecdotes, anything and everything. Like I said, no pressure. Not from you guys reading these posts, but from myself. I’m just that sort of person who pressures myself for no reason.

So, I’m back. HOWDY. So, to start things off in 2017, I want to talk about 2016 and 2017 with some resolutions and what I hope for the new year.

2016 is over, 2017 is here. And what a year it has been, both personally and just generally, it’s been a weird, exciting, shocking, terrifying year. It has had it’s up’s and it’s downs. 2016 for me was a key year for me; it was the year that I feel I have found my voice, I’m confident in myself, both mind and body. I’ve always been confident in who I am but not so much overall, you get me? I guess I’m confident that I’m not confident… does this make sense? I’ve not been confident with my appearance, my body, this little voice inside, whispering, you look fat. you are fat. I’m still not confident with my body, is anyone? Really? But that being said, 2016 was a confident year for me. I’ve talked on this blog about anxiety. Looking back at 2016 at a personal view, anxiety was my biggest obstacle and challenge. It’s never been this bad. I’ve had panic attacks that last for ages. It scars. It’s horrifying feeling trapped and isolated and crying and screaming into your boyfriend’s chest in a hotel room at four in the morning. I think my anxiety stems from, yes, you guessed it, pressure. I put pressure on myself all of the time in every situation. When I got with Ryan, that was pressure. Not him, but the relationship itself. I’m no longer on my own, I am now part of someone else. I have to look after and provide for him. He didn’t put that pressure on me, I did. It was the year where I became confident with my sexuality. Of who I am. Growing up, I’ve been attracted to men and women, I’ve only ever had girlfriends but I knew, deep down, that wasn’t me. I think this is due to age and growing up too, seeing more of the world. But I know, I am confident in who I am, in my appearance, my personality, my sexuality, my identity, me. I am gay and happy and that’s okay. That’s more than okay. It’s good. Really fucking good.

A big part of 2016, the biggest of them all, was meeting Ryan. We met doing the musical Grease and we hit it off instantly. I fell asleep on his shoulder in the car on our way back from the last show and now… we’re engaged, looking for a place to live together, and most of all, happy. I haven’t had many relationships in the past, one or two girlfriends, and this is on a whole different level. We have a good relationship. We trust each other with everything and tell each other everything too. We have been on adventures since May; it’s fair to say I have done more with my nineteen years of life in just seven months. He has helped me a lot, not only with my anxiety, but whenever I am run down and under the weather, he’s there for me. I’m sorry if this is all sounding too much of a sickly cringe love fest, but it’s the truth. We have our moments, of course we do, it’s natural. A relationship wouldn’t be a relationship without a few bumps in the road, a few chips here and there. But a chip doesn’t break a relationship. It’s just chipped, that’s all. Get some super glue and stick it back together. Work together and it will be as it always was. I asked the most important question in my life to Ryan just a few days before Christmas and he was just finishing being Aladdin. I asked him to marry me! Seven months might be a bit ‘quick’, ‘fast’, whatever, to ask such a question but it felt right. I have never felt this way before, like ever, with anything, and when I have something in my mind, I have to do it. So, I got a ring (just something small and affordable – we’re not too big on jewellery!), surprised him and went on one knee, looked into his eyes and asked him to marry me. He said yes, I grabbed him and kissed him and I’ve not stopped smiling. On New Year’s Eve we decided to announce it to everyone and also I think to ourselves, to actually acknowledge it: we’re getting married. It’s not going to be for at least another five or so years first, but it’s not about the quick wedding, the big party, it’s about commitment. Commitment to each other and over these seven months, we have a love that is so strong and committed to each other. Thank you Ryan for making my year. It’s been tough but we get stronger. We are stronger. We are a team. Here’s to more adventures and love in 2017…

The love talk is over (for now)… so now, let’s talk more about my resolutions for this year…

  1. Read More: I always say it and I probably always will, but I want to read more. I’ve loved reading from such a young age, getting lost in the words and my imagination was my favourite thing to do. It still is, but no so much. I think it is down to the fact that being a literature student, I’m no longer reading for pure pleasure, but for my essays and exams, etc. I had a few books, including some autobiographical books for Christmas and I want to get reading them. For me, reading is important. Very important. I’m currently reading The Girl on The Train and Lauren Graham’s book, Talking As Fast As I Can and I’m loving both of them. Here’s to more reading in 2017!
  2. Get Active: It’s another cliche of resolutions for the new year, but it’s one that I want to stick to and work on this year. I want to get more active, whether that be going to the gym, going for a run or just doing Lean Machine’s DVD/YouTube videos, let’s get active! Hopefully, this will be my most active year yet… fingers crossed.
  3. WRITE: Writing is my biggest passion, especially writing scripts. I love writing characters and dialogue and I want to do a lot more in 2017. I want to work on my scripts, tone them, get them ready and maybe send some off. Writing is something that I’ve always wanted to do and I want to work on that a lot more seriously.
  4. See More, Do More: I love theatre. I love concerts. I love gigs. I love films. I love exhibitions. I love culture and everything to go with it. In 2017, I want to go to a lot more and see more, do more, explore more. Me and Ryan have already booked Adele, Coldplay and we’re going to see the Cursed Child at the end of the year!  But we want to do more than that, especially more shows and concerts. We’ve already got our eyes on a few already that we need to get booked! Now, let’s talk films. I went to the cinema a handful of times last year. I’m just not a film person, more of a TV/Netflix type of guy. But I want to change that. There’s so much I want to see this year, mostly in January, especially La La Land. It looks beautiful and stunning. It’s also a perfect date night and Ryan has also said he wants to see more, so it’s something we’re definitely going to do. Here’s to more STUFF in 2017!

That’s my resolutions (for now) for the new year. I’m really excited for this year, it will have it’s ups, and it’s downs, but I’m ready for it. Bring. It. On.

My favourite photo of the year, with my fiancé, on New Year’s Eve:

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What are your resolutions for the new year? Let me know in the comments below!

Corey x

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