Firstly, hello! I hope everyone is doing good. Sorry about the lack of blog posts – but here’s a post! Things have been a bit hard for me at the moment, my anxiety is high, exams are overwhelming me and stressing me out and just not been feeling myself lately.
I’ve talked on this blog a lot about my anxiety; I’ve been open and I’ve been honest about it. No punches. No bullshit. Just the truth. But lately, my anxiety has been high and I’ve had thoughts about myself that I don’t want to think about.
So, I wrote something. After a panic attack, I just did what I usually do to escape: write. I just sat and wrote, and this is what came out of it.
This is Be You.
just waiting. alone, lost, lost in the thoughts. and as you close your eyes, all you can see is blackness. but then, suddenly, it is light, colour, words, patterns, shapes, everything muddled; like scribbles on a chalk board.
it’s as though you’re drowning, your arms are failing, you try to scream and shout, but nothing. you’re drowning and there’s nothing to stop the fall.
and when one falls, it doesn’t stop. you keep falling as if you’re about to fall down the rabbit hole. hoping for someone to catch you, to hold you, to love you.
look up, someone’s there. someone’s there for you. their hand reaching out for you, to take hold off, to grip, to never let go. hold it. reach out, take hold of it and never let go. they lift you up, they hold you tight, they rescue you, they love you.
those words, those scribbles, those colours, have all faded away. evaporated. gone. but not forgotten, but gone. because they will never be forgotten, no matter how hard you try. they are what makes us. they are what makes us human. what makes us who we are.
we are all lost, alone, trapped, isolated; but we are also happy, it may not seem like it, it may be hard to believe but we are. we all are. whenever there is darkness, there is light. we are all of those things, and more; we are comedy, we are tragedy and everything in between.
watch the sun rise, watch the light shine onto this earth. open up your hearts, reach out your hand and take hold of the ones that are there for you, for us, the ones what we love. hold tight and never let go.
who knows if we will ever stop falling, or drowning, but you will always have someone there. open your eyes, look up, they are there. don’t be afraid to be happy. don’t be afraid to be sad. don’t be afraid to be anxious. don’t be afraid to be you.
look up, go on, open your eyes and look up. see the light and leave the darkness.
this is what we are made off. and that’s nothing to be ashamed about. this is who we are. this is who you are. celebrate it. flaunt it. be you. be the best version of yourself. be whoever you are and hold your head up high.
I know things are going to get better. I want them to get better. And with time, they will. Like I said, exams are stressing me out and I think with them gone (one left to go, yay!), pressure will be lifted off my shoulders. I hope you enjoyed Be You, it was just something that I wrote and wanted to share. Hopefully this blog will see a lot more content. I want to create more photography posts and share snapshots of my life. I’ve been really loving Instagram at the moment; I love taking photo’s and sharing them. Go and follow me if you like @coreyterrettoh.
Thank you and hope you are doing good. Just don’t be afraid to be you.